• rowena: i'm looking over the plans
  • godric: yeah
  • rowena: what's this weird series of rooms accessible only by a hatch in a room on the right hand side of the third floor corridor
  • godric: oh that's for if we ever need to hide a priceless artifact for some reason
  • rowena: why would we hide a priceless artifact in a school
  • godric: safest place
  • rowena: fucking is it though?? there's a giant snake somewhere
  •  [in the distance]
  • salazar: there's no snake you are wrong stop being wrong

lookatthatfuckinganimal:

phuuuuu:

THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE

THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

I can’t stop laughing

pinklikeme:

cuteness-daily:

RELEASE THE PIGS!

oh my goodness

1 day ago with 117,578 notes via little-punks by jackxiii

WHEN ONE IS EXPECTING

imyourdestinymotherfucker:

Today, I bought this book (for my sister, lets clarify that now ‘cause the only way I’m going anywhere near sperm is if I fall into a vat of it):

image

BUT WAIT

THIS:

image

IS:

image

SOME:

image

OF THE BRILLIANT:

image

STUFF IT HAS IN IT:

image

poyzn:

Quick and simple lifehacks.

1 day ago with 168,990 notes via little-punks by poyzn

officialunitedstates:

Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family.  Well, I recently put that to the test.

The tables were wooden and nice to sit at.  The chairs were also comfortable.  The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides. 

I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine.  If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer.  It’s common courtesy.

The napkins were probably the highlight.  They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows.  One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted.  After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots.  Who doesn’t.

Finally, it was time to order.  I went with the pizza.  The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings.  There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up.  “…and blorgaspork.”

"Sorry?  What is blorgaspork?"

"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."

After a reasonable wait, my food arrived.  It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either.  It was just priced.

My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert. 

"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."

He did.

"I have this business idea.  And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."

Steve tried to laugh it off.  Like it was some kind of joke.  I was offended and he could tell.  “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”

Steve looked a bit nervous.  I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table.  “Are we family or not, Steve.”

"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve.  I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one. 

"Look, Steve.  I cleaned your windows.  Family does that for each other.  They clean each others’ windows.  Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan?  We’re family, Steve, we’re family."

Steve handed me 13 bucks.  “Thanks, Steve.”

★★★

indagoho:

FINALLY A CARTOON GOT IT RIGHT

katescastles:

do not pity the dead, harry, pity the living, and above all those who cannot go to comic con

1 day ago with 17,945 notes via miissmaatch by katescastles

lovesexdevotion:

That was so beautiful

fiftyshadesofdebauchery:

kvotheunkvothe:

Animal fun fact: Chinchillas can’t get wet. Their fur retains too much water and will start to grow mold. So they bathe by rolling around in dust.

Chinchilla fun fact: Chinchillas have around 20 hairs per follicle; unlike humans who have 2-3 hairs per follicle. Because their fur is so dense, they cannot get fleas or other parasites. The bugs will suffocate in their fur.

Chinchilla fun fact: Petting one of those awesome little guys feels like touching a motherfucking cloud.

Chinchilla fun fact: Their newborn babies are like little pieces of fluffy popcorn. You could easily just toss a handful in your mouth.

Chinchilla fun fact: Don’t toss a handful into your mouth.

balletandbeautifulthings:

every friendship ever

1 day ago with 540,972 notes via kuzkospoison

Made some more jewelry #bracelet #beads #jewelrymaking

My baby #germanshepherd

3 weeks ago with via

Awww yiss saddle #western, #saddle, #quarterhorse

The pansy at rest #germanshepherd, #heidi

1 month ago with via
©CP